Barb's Musing: Ducks, Dogs and Self-esteem

I've been doing a lot of thinking about self-esteem lately, in large part because it's the first of the year and the time seems right for self-assessment, and partly because...well, because I have self-esteem issues and I'm always thinking about self-esteem.  Or, rather, ways to better mine. 

The topic is especially pertinent this year as I look back at my past two year's resolutions.  In 2010, I resolved to feel like less of an impostor.  Last year I resolved to "deal" with the changes in my life since achieving my lifelong dream of selling to Harlequin. 

How'd I do on these resolutions?  With all certainty, I can say "OK."  There are more days than not when I feel like I have a real handle on this writing life, and that I actually belong in the writing community.

On the other hand, no matter how many of those days I have, there are still times when I am thrust headlong back into the land of doubt.  All it takes is one situation or contact with one negative person, and wham!  I'm back to doubting myself, or wondering if I'm thinking too highly of my own skills or being too over confident.  Perhaps my success and talent aren't what I think they are.  Etc., Etc. Etc. 

See, for  people with self-esteem issues, the highs - while high - are short-lived, while the lows are exceptionally low.  I doubt I have to explain that too much to the writers reading this blog since I'm certain they all understand.  (Ten good reviews versus one crappy review?  Enough said.) 

A couple of days ago, however, I read an interesting article in Psychology Today.  (My friends who are serious psychologists are probably shuddering right about now.)  In it, the author proposes that self-esteem, low or high, isn't going to change.  You are what you are is the theory and, for people like me, part of the problem is trying to change who we basically are.  Or as they put it - a duck and a dog both go in the water.  A duck doesn't get wet.  A dog does and has to shake the water off.  The dog can cry about not being duck or he can learn how to become a better dog (and find the best way to shake off the water.)  My problem these past few years is that I've been mad at myself for not being a duck.

So now I'm adopting the idea that I'll always have insecure days.  When they hit, I'm better off trying to figure out why I'm feeling insecure than kicking myself.  Wish I'd known that two years ago because I think I'd have achieved my resolution a whole lot faster. 

Quack, quack!  Woof, woof!